


It Always Had to End (But Why So Soon)

by GrimSylphie



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Blood Loss, Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Seizures, Tragedy, Vomiting, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 12:42:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15557943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimSylphie/pseuds/GrimSylphie
Summary: A thought I had that wouldn't leave my mind. What if Ichigo's power was too much for his human body? Sentenced to an unavoidable death, his lover tries to cope with Ichigo's worsening condition.





	It Always Had to End (But Why So Soon)

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read Bleach in a few years and only have a vague recollection of the last few arcs and what exactly would happen to Ichigo given his unique status as a hybrid of just about everything. I may have gotten some lore wrong and for that I would like to apologize, except I'm not really sorry because that wasn't what was important when this stream of consciousness left my mind. 
> 
> I also want to note that this is sad and kind of messed up. It's mostly several hundred words of Kisuke Urahara watching Ichigo's slow decline and blaming himself for his part in it.

The night Ichigo Kurosaki died the skies opened up as if Karakura itself was mourning its saviour. Kisuke Urahara sat on the porch watching the rain, trying, and likely failing to collect himself as he waited for news from Yoruichi. His fan flipped open and closed in his hand as he tried to hold his emotions back the way he had been taught as a child being primed to become a pawn in the Onmitsukidou. He took a few deep stuttering breaths and gripped his fan tightly as he snapped it closed again. This wasn't the time or the place to break down. How could a boy he had only known for a decade, such a short time in his long life, tear him to pieces like this. 

It had started almost four years ago, Ichigo was a few months shy of finishing his undergraduate degree in university the first time it happened. He had been out at the grocery store picking up a few ingredients for his dinner while Kisuke rambled on the phone about his latest experiments. The two had what could best be described as a long distance relationship. Ichigo had taken a break from being a substitute shinigami after graduating from high school to put his full focus into university. Ichigo still wanted to go to medical school and though it was hard for Kisuke to lose the constant companion he had in the young man who had unexpectedly become his lover, he owed Ichigo everything, giving him a chance to lead a normal life was the least he could do. He thought that would be the end of it but Ichigo had called him his first night away from home and had continued to do so every night since. That's why when Kisuke's rambling was interrupted by a loud "thud" over the phone and the 'crack, crack, crack' of the mobile as it bounced across the linoleum floor before coming to a stop. The next few moments were a blur for Kisuke as he heard a woman asking if someone was okay and calling for emergency services before the line went dead. 

Kisuke panicked and raced out of his lab. Later he won't remember if he shunpoed all the way to the supermarket he knew Ichigo frequented or if he somehow managed to open a portal despite how frazzled he was but he arrived just as Ichigo was being loaded into the ambulance. He wanted to reach out and follow him but he knew the paramedics would be distracted by his sudden appearance and they would delay heading to the hospital if he tried to argue that he needed to ride along with his boyfriend. Instead he followed behind using shunpo to jump from lamp post to lamp post until he reached the hospital. His mind was racing as he wondered what could have caused Ichigo to collapse. He wouldn't find out that night. 

He wouldn't find out until nearly six months later when Ishida Ryuuken had exhausted every test known to man after Ichigo's third fainting spell and admitted what they had all started to suspect but didn't dare voice aloud. "It's his power." The elder Ishida admitted to Kisuke and Isshin as they stood outside Ichigo's hospital room. The twenty two year old hadn't woken up yet and his sisters were watching over him, one on each side, holding his hands. "Despite everything he is and everything he's accomplished the human body wasn't meant to contain this much raw power. His body is tearing itself apart. He's always leaked reitatsu but now it's seeping out of every pore. His body is falling apart and this is just the first sign." Kisuke turned away as a tile on the floor suddenly became fascinating to him. There was no precedent for this. There had been rumors, even experiments on how much power a human body could hold but they had no concrete proof to back up their theories. No one had hit the hard limit quite like Kurosaki Ichigo. 

"How long?" Isshin's voice finally rang over the faint buzzing of fluorescent lights above them. 

Ryuuken didn't responsd. Not immediately. Kisuke wondered if he was calculating the progression of Ichigo's condition so far to extrapolate a timeline or if he was just trying to figure out a way to tell Isshin that wouldn't lead to him being punched in the face. "A year, two, if he's lucky." 

Isshin walked away and Kisuke wondered if he was trying to hold back his rage or his tears. For all Isshin wasn't a good father, he did care for his son in his own way. 

Kisuke glanced up to look at Ryuuken his hat shielding his eyes. The doctor looked to him and pushed his glassed up with his middle finger. An unconscious gesture he had developed long ago as a polite "screw you" to the shinigami that had invaded his life. There was no malice in it today, just resignation that he couldn't save this boy, the child of his best friend. "I'll tell him when he wakes up. I imagine you have a lot of planning to do. If you want to stay nearby, I'll set you up in the rooms we reserve for families." Kisuke nodded. The numbness he felt hearing his lover's life would be cut so short, the guilt he felt at his role in all this, all gave way to a manic fervour. Ichigo's power incomparable but despite it all he was still human. What would happen to his soul when he died? Would he end up in Rukongai? Would he even remember who he was. Kisuke had to make sure he had a way to find Ichigo, to make sure his memories were intact. 

After graduation, Ichigo moved into the shoten, and Kisuke's bedroom. He had gotten into med school, in fact he had been accepted into more than one, but instead of going to his first choice school he selected the one closest to home. Ryuuken's timeline meant Ichigo might not live long enough to become a doctor but the stubborn young man had every intention of trying. This way however, he was closer to his sisters, to a hospital where Ryuuken would personally cover for him if he ended up in the ER, and closer to Kisuke. Kisuke assumed that last one was more of a happy accident than anything else though. Despite Ichigo's assurances Kisuke still struggled to believe that the young man could love him after everything he had done. 

They settled into a pattern, Ichigo going to classes or having practical lessons at the hospital while Kisuke researched what he could expect when Ichigo died. In the evenings Ichigo would come home and do his homework at a small corner of his lab that had been specifically cleaned off for Ichigo. On the rare nights he didn't have homework he would drag Kisuke out of the lab and they would talk about everything and nothing while they watched the sunset from the porch. The night would end with Ichigo falling sleep with his head in Kisuke's lap at the older male ran his fingers through Ichigo's thinning hair. In the silence of those nights Kisuke mourned the loss of the man beside him. The signs of Ichigo's illness were more visible now, he slept more and more each day while the dark circles under his eyes grew deeper each day, he had started to lose weight, and his hair lost its shine and grew limp and dull, the once bright orange locks thinning out. 

It was on one such night just shy of a year after Ichigo's diagnosis that he had his first seizure. Kisuke held him in his arms as the boy he loved twitched uncontrollably, losing all control of his body. When the shaking finally stopped after ~~an eternity~~ less an a minute Ichigo was covered in sweat and his sleep pants were wet from where Ichigo had lost control of his bladder. Kisuke had to hold back tears as he cradled the young man he had trained, he had tried to sacrifice, and finally grown to love in his arms. It was Tessai that called Isshin and Ryuuken while Yoruichi convinced a despondent Kisuke to wash off Ichigo and change him so at least the boy could have his dignity when they arrived. 

They had long stopped going to the hospital when Ichigo showed symptoms at home. They knew there was nothing that could be done. Instead Ryuuken made house calls. He had prescribed Ichigo pain medication to help with the agony Ichigo felt deep in his bones as his body tore itself apart to the point that Kisuke had woken up to Ichigo shaking as he tried to hold back tears. That shook Kisuke more than anything. It crushed him to watch the young man who fought in two wars while he was still a teen, who stayed strong at the loss of his friends and comrades, who didn't break down no matter how bruised and beaten he was, would fall to something none of their planning could stop. 

They had a party when Ichigo passed two years from his diagnosis. It was small with his father, his sisters, Kisuke, Tessai, Yoruichi, Jinta, and Ururu. Even Ryuuken came, though he would never mention the event to his son. Ichigo had long passed the point of allowing any of his friends to see him. He wanted them to remember him as being strong even if now he felt like he was anything but. He had to leave school the month before when it was clear his legs couldn't hold him for more than a few minutes at a time. Ichigo had fought the decision. First his father, then Ryuuken. He even argued with his sisters until Yuzu ran out of the room so she wouldn't cry. In the end Kisuke wasn't sure what had convinced him but he imagined it had something to do with the blank look in his eyes when Ichigo watched him clean up the vomit mixed with flecks of blood that covered the floor beside their bed after he had tried to eat Yuzu's curry. Ichigo cried that night and Kisuke held him, unsure of how to comfort the man that was falling apart before him. 

Just before hitting three years from his first collapse at that super market Ichigo woke Kisuke up in the dead of night and forced the man to grab a notebook and jot down his last wishes. Ichigo would have done it himself but his hands shook whenever they weren't clasped by his lover. "I want to be buried near mom. I don't want a funeral. We all know it's not the end. I don't care what people think, this will be private. Most importantly I want it to be you." Kisuke raised an eyebrow and looked up from where he was franticly writing down his lover's last requests. "I want..." Ichigo broke down in a coughing fit. They were all too common now. It seemed like each day his body would find some new way to reject him. Last week Ichigo had admitted he didn't know the last time he smelled something. "If my soul lingers, I want you to give it a push." Ichigo wiped a small dribble of blood from his chin. "We both know you've already come up with a way to find me no matter what happens when I die." Ichigo lifted his free hand to wrap it around Kisuke's wrist. "I want you to send me on so I can find you again." Kisuke knew the look on his face must have betrayed his confusion. Why him? Why not his father? Or Rukia? As if reading Kisuke's mind Ichigo smiled. "Everyone thinks it started with her, when she gave me her power it changed my world. It would have never happened if it weren't for you though. I would have never had this many friends or family, I would have never found love if it weren't for you. I love you. I need you to be the one to do this." Kisuke opened his mouth to object, to remind Ichigo that it was his fault he was dying in the first place. Ichigo stopped him, moving in to kiss him with as much passion as he could put into it given his weakened state. Kisuke returned it with a gentle passion, his lover's mouth taste of blood as their tongues intertwined in a dance learned long ago. 

That few months were more painful than any in Kisuke's long life. As a Shinigami he rarely saw the long drawn out suffering that came with human death. Most were felled in battle, or eaten by hollows, or assassinated for crimes perceived or otherwise. Watching the last stages of Ichigo's life as he spent days drifting in and out of conciousness, sometimes screaming as if he had never left war, or seizing so hard Kisuke thought his body would fall to pieces in his arms. Cleaning up Ichigo when his body began to reject anything put into it, hoping for just one more good day with the man he loved before their lives were irrevocably changed once more. 

One morning Kisuke woke up as Ichigo's shallow pained breathing studdered as he tried for force out some words. "It's... almost.. time." Ichigo whispered through stuttered breaths and wet coughs. Kisuke had known for a while now Ichigo didn't have much longer but this time it seemed it truly would be the end. He called Isshin first, who promised to get the girls there in time to say goodbye. Then he called out to Tessai and Yoruichi telling them to set up the Senkaimon for a plan that had long ago been set in motion. 

Kisuke comforted Ichigo until his father and sisters arrived, Isshin saying his goodbyes before standing back and allowing the girls to have their brother's final moments. Kisuke stood outside, knowing that his duty would come later, once Ichigo's human body passed away. Ichigo made it to the early evening, a day full of his sisters regaling him on their lives between tears before he finally collapsed, his body giving out. Kisuke felt it immediately, the illness tinged reitatsu that had been his constant companion suddenly brightened as Ichigo's soul stabilized. Kisuke re-entered the room, Yuzu and Karin already gone, per Ichigo's wishes. Ichigo's soul form stood before him, strong and blindingly brilliant. It was something Kisuke hadn't seen in a long time and something he hadn't realized he missed. "Do it." Ichigo spoke. Kisuke hesitated, doubting himself for just a moment. If his calculations were wrong Ichigo would forget everything, forget him. He reminded himself it that happened it was for the best as he pulled Benihime out. He had stopped hiding her as a cane a few months ago when it became clear Ichigo's time was drawing near. He owed Ichigo the right to do this properly. He stepped out of his gigai, something he hadn't done in far too long and pushed the hilt of Benihime into Ichigo's soul, his lover disappearing as he was sent onward. 

Kisuke stood there for what seemed like an eternity before walking back outside and sitting down on the porch where he shared so many sunsets with Ichigo. Finally he allowed himself to let go, his tears falling silently as he mourned the life his lover had wanted, the life he had deserved. It was a life he would never have because of Kisuke's interference. It was dark by the time he had calmed himself, his tears long gone as the sky mourned instead, rain falling endlessly. 

A Jigokucho landed on his finger. Yoruichi had found him, just as expected. Kisuke Urahara stood. It would seem it was time to begin a new journey.


End file.
